Esim - Viceviii
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Viceviii (Old article)
Posted 11 years ago by
Srbski Ratnik    
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1.Meda zaveo u šumi red i rekao da niko nesme izvrsiti nuždu u šumi. Zeka nije mogao da izdrži pa je izvršio nuždu pored žbunja. Dosao meda i vidi zeca kako je pokrio nesto sapicama.Pita meda:
- Sta si to pokrio sapama?
Zeka:
- Paaa, ulovio sam leptira!
Meda:
- Da ga vidim.
A zeka brzo otvori sape i rece:
- Joj odlete, al što se posro!

2.Zaljube se Bosanac i Talijanka i kaže Talijanka:
- "Bacha mi a more (poljubi me dragi)!"
- "Kud ćeš da te bacim u more, neba ti?"
Ponovno će Talijanka:
- "Bacha mi a mor!"
- "Ajd kad si već navalila."
I baci Bosanac nju u more, a Talijanka počne vikati:
- "Ajuto, ajuto (u pomoć, u pomoć)."
A Bosanac kaže:
- "Nije more ljuto, već je slano!"

3.Kako jer umro kapetan kuka?
- Obrisao dupe pogresnom rukom

4.Policija : Gdje zivis?
Ja : Kod mojih roditelja .
Policija : Gdje zive tvoji roditelji ?
Ja : Kod mene
Policija : Gdje zivite svi skupa ?
Ja : Preko puta moga komsije
Policija : Gdje je kuca vaseg komsije?
Ja: Ako vam to kazem , nece te mi vjerovati .
Policija : Reci
Ja: Pored moje kuce

5.Sede tako dva idiota za stolom i jedan deli bombone.
-Jedna tebi, jedna meni!
- Jedna tebi, jedna meni!
- Jedna meni, jedna meni, jedna meni!
Na to ga ovaj drugi zaustavi i kaže:
- Čekaj malo, a tebi?

6.U kafiću jedan mladić odluči da pozove jednu devojku na piće. Priđe njenom stolu i upita:
- Izvinite, mogu li vas pozvati na jedno piće?
Devojka na sav glas zavika:
- ŠTA? ZAR U U TVOJOJ SOBI?
- Ne, ne razumete, samo vas pozivam na piće.
Devojka, još glasnije:
- ŠTA? A SAD BI U HOTELU?
Momak sav posramljen odleti do šanka, da što pre plati svoj račun i pobegne od stida. Kad odjednom njemu priđe ona devojka i objasni:
- Izvini za ono malopre. Znaš, studiram psihologiju i istražujem kako ljudi reaguju u nezgodnim situacijama.
- Tada momak drekne na sav glas:
- ŠTA? ZA 200 EURA? NISAM LUD!!!

7.Sjede Mujo i Haso na klupi.
Odjednom kaže Mujo:

- Bolan Haso, šta misliš šta ove naše žene rade
dok se mi smucamo po ovim parkovima?
Haso odgovara:
- Ahh, il se *ebu il heklaju.

Mujo sam se sav uspaničen počne trčati kući.

Pita Haso:
- Bolan Mujo, pa, kuda ćeš?

Odgovara Mujo:
- Moja ne zna heklat.

8.Mujo sav iznerviran dolazi u biblioteku:
- Jarane, vraćam ti ovu knjižurinu, nije nizašta, previše bolan likova, a nigdje zapleta!
- A ti si nam znači uzeo telefonski imenik!

9.Dosao Perica u skolu posle raspusta i pita njega uciteljica:
Perice kako ti je bilo u Engleskoj?
Perica odgovori:
I'm not Perica,i'm John.
Uciteljica:
Dobro Johane,kako ti je bilo u Engleskoj?
Perica odgovori:
Doruckujem pa na verandu,rucam pa na verandu,veceram pa na verandu i tako svaki dan.
Uciteljica:
Pa bilo ti je dosadno ali hajde.
Uciteljica pita Maricu:
Marice ,kako je tebi bilo?
Marica odgovori:
I'm not Marica,i'm Veranda.

10.Ide Perica džunglom i vidi Tarzana.Tarzan:
- Ja Tarzan.
- Ja Perica.
- Moja DŽejn.
- Moja Marica.
- Moja Čita.
- Moja, nepismena.

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The international war.

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