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-Ženo, ženooo, donesi lenjir i flomaster !
Uzme žena lenjir i flomaster i dođe do njega, a on legne na stomak i kaže:
- Nacrtaj pet horizontalnih linija i obilježi ih sa a, b, c, d i e.
Žena to i uradi.
-Sad nacrtaj pet vertikalnih i obilježi ih sa 1, 2, 3, 4 i 5.
Žena i to uradi i kaže:
-Šta sad ?
-Počeši na b3 !
Mužu je rođendan i žena ga pita šta bi želio kao poklon. Muž će:
- Pušku.
- Ne, puška nikako!
- Ipak, ja bih pušku...
- Rekla sam ti, puška NE!
- Ali ja bih pušku.
- Poslušaj me i odaberi nešto drugo!
- Ipak, ja želim pušku.
- Rekla sam ti, puška nikako! Pa, jebote - ko ovdje odlučuje, a?!
- Ti. Ali, kad bih imao pušku...
Kako Crnogorac opisuje Puža???
To juri,to divlja,to skače,nije normalan!!!
Hvali se devedesetogodišnji djed svom liječniku kako mu je žena, koja je 65 godina mlađa od njega, ostala trudna te kako će ubrzo postati otac.
Liječnik ga sasluša, potapše ga po ramenu, pa mu kaže:
– Da ja tebi, djede, ispričam jednu priču. Bio jednom jedan lovac i on ti jedno jutro krene u lov na medvjede. Hodajući šumom naleti na velikog medvjeda, potegne za puškom i tad primjeti da je umjesto puške ponio kišobran.
Nemajući kud on uperi kišobran u medvjeda i na njegovo veliko iznenađenje kišobran opali, a medvjed ostade na mjestu mrtav...
Djed:
– To je nemoguće! Tu je morao biti još netko. Sigurno je neko opalio iza njegovih leđa, a da on to nije primjetio!
liječnik potapše djeda:
– Upravo tako, upravo tako!
Sreo Mujo Hasu nakon 60g.,. sad već imaju preko 80g.Kaže Mujo Hasi:ajmo kod mene jarane.
Obrati se ženi:
-zlato natoči nam po jednu rakijicu-ona natoči
-pile nareži nam malo meze - ona nareza
-sunce napravi nam kafu - ona napravi
Gleda Haso i kaže Muji:
- zar je moguća tolika ljubav nakon toliko god.braka da on svoju ženu zove zlato, pile,sunce.
Mujo odgovara:
- jarane nije ti to nikakava ljubav,nego bolan ja ti već 5g.nemam pojma kako se ona zove...
Zaskocio Mujo Fatu, moli je da mu ga popuši, ali ona nece, pa nece! Tad Mujo upotrebi zadnji adut:
- Fato, ali to je dobro za tvoje zube!!
Fata se na to smilova, popuši mu i na kraju ode do ogledala u kupatilu. Vraca se u sobu razocarana i veli:
- Mujo, ništa se nije desilo mojim zubima, nisu ni bijelji, ni ljepši, ni sjajniji?!?
- Da, ali si ih sacuvala..
Razgovaraju dvije rode:
- 'Kamo letiš?'
- 'Danas ću obradovati jedan par koji već deset godina pokušava imati djecu. A ti?'
- 'Ja idem u samostan kod časnih sestara. Nikad im ništa ne nosim, idem ih malo isprepadati!
Pričaju Amerikanac, Englez i Rus ko ima najveći avion.
Amer:
- "Naš Avion ne može sleteti nigdje u Europi."
Englez:
- "Naš Avion ne može sleteti na aerodrom u Frankfurtu!"
Rus:
- "Vozim ja avion sa još 19 kopilota i tek čujemo neko zujanje pozadi. Viknem ja 19. kopilotu: Sergej, idi vidi šta to zuji dok još nije kasno!. Ode Sergej džipom u srijedu prepodne i vraća se u subotu popodne i reče mi: Šefe zaboravili smo prozorče od WC-a, uleteo BOING 747 i zuji oko sijalice"
Ušao slijepac zabunom u bar za žene i naručio sebi piće. Nakon kraćeg vremena vikne slijepac konobarici:
- "Hoćeš li čuti vic o plavušama?"
Iste sekunde bar je utihnuo, a žena pored njega kaže:
- "Prije nego što ispričaš vic o plavušama, moram ti reći pet razloga zašto ga ne bi smio ispričati, pa ti razmisli."
- "1. konobarica je plavuša"
- "2. ja sam plavuša od 90 kg sa crnim pojasom"
- "3. do mene je plavuša koja trenira hrvanje"
- "4. tu iza tebe je plavuša policajka"
- "5. izbacivač je plavuša"
- "Priča li ti se i dalje vic o plavušama?"
Slijepac odgovori:
- "Ma jok, pa da ga moram 5 puta objašnjavati"
Eto,nadam se da sam vas bar malo nasmijao.Budite žilavi!!!
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NEW SERVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER (11 years ago)
About the game:
USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!
In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.
Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.
Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.
In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.
Become an influential politician.
The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.
You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.
The international war.
The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).
At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.
E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.
Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.
Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.