Esim - Iran Cloning Contra: Rumors Abound
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Iran Cloning Contra: Rumors Abound (Old article)
Posted 11 years ago by
TrickyTraegs    
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The eyes of the E-Sim community have been squarely focused on Iran in recent weeks as it continues to sit at the center of a controversial topic. Amidst a tremendous amount of speculation surrounding the controversial science of cloning, the Iranians have been left to fend off wild accusations.

The problem started several weeks ago when the country saw a marked increase in its population. Census data shows a staggering 163% increase in the population over the last three weeks, leaving the world to speculate.

In the interest of neutrality, SHFTimesC interviewed citizens across the E-Sim community in the hopes of finding the cause of what many are calling “The Iranian Cloning Contra.”

Canada:

I heard those darn Iranians trained a bunch a Golden Jackals ta do their fighin’ for ‘em. Some people say they tried with camels first, but as my mother always told me, camels can’t be trusted. Lookin’ at ya with those darn humps, their beady little eyes, judgin’. Always judgin’. Anyway, I gotta run home and work on my puck jugglin’.


South Korea:

I heard Iran hired Multiple Man and the entire population is actually just one guy. Have you ever seen X-Men: The Last Stand? Two words: totally plausible. While we’re on the subject, whatever happened to the Juggernaut? I mean, anyone who thinks Juno could win a fight with him is full of s***, and a traitor.


United States of America:

Listen brah, there’s only one explanation for what’s happening in Iran. Aliens. F***! I mean, think about it brah. Really think about it. There’s this one intergalactic dude sitting in that stupid desert just hammering away at all the keyboards in the country simultaneously . . . using his mind! Dude has some X-COM s*** going on man. If I could do that, I wouldn’t waste my time in some desert. I’d be all, hey broad, get your girlfriend, we’re going back to my parent’s basement, you know, for doin’ it!. SPRING BREAK!


Japan:

GODZILLLLLLLLLLLLLLA! . . . or giant robots. I’m fine with either explanation.


The Republic of Korea (formerly China)

Drago is God-King. His wisdom be upon me.


According to an anonymous spokesperson within the Iranian government, the answer is considerably less far-fetched:

As everyone knows, Iran is known for romance. From the Zoroastrian festival of Sepandārmazgān (The Festival of Love) or the Festival of Nowruz, where our citizens experience mehr (pure love); to the sexy, sexy parties we throw every weekend in Tehran, things have been heating up all across Iran. I guess what I’m saying is, Iranians are gettin’ busy all up in here. I defy you to look at Ali Khamenei and not get ROCK HARD! There’s gonna be babies er’where . . . and each will be handed a computer at birth . . . for, uh, science.”


Whatever the true cause, SHFTimesC will be there covering the latest. More on this story as it develops.

-------------------------------------------------
Fun Facts for Great Justice

South Korea’s population dropped to 126; remains stronger than ever.
South Korea’s sexiest/mystery-shrouded citizen is still Phelps McManus
There is a statistically significant correlation (p=0.008) between stork populations and birth rates in Europe.

Previous article:
Smoking Baby Tyrant Wages War on South Korea (11 years ago)

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