Esim - Vicko No.3
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pero333


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Vicko No.3 (Old article)
Posted 11 years ago by
pero333    
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Evo mene opet Vicko News nastavlja nasmijavati
hvala svim čitateljima a svi koji još niste molim vas za V+S

pa krenimo onda :

Kad prеlazitе ulicu, uvjеk glеdajtе automobilе a nе na sеmafor!
Sеmafori rijеtko kad udarе čovijеka.


Neki na ženama vole kosu, neki oči, neki duge noge, neki sise, neki guzu. Ja na ženama najviše volim sebe.

Bio Mujo u bolnici, pa ga Haso pita :
- Kakvi su ti rezultati jarane?
Mujo :
-Bolan jarane, muka me spopala. Imam kiselinu u zeludcu, vodu u kolenima i secer u krvi!
Haso :
- Pa ti ba jarane nisi covek, ti si limunada...


Jeste li čuli za one extra sensitive kondome?
- Nakon što muškarac ode, ostaju i pričaju sa ženom.

Seks je kao matematika:
-DODAŠ krevet,
-ODUZMEŠ odjeću,
-PODIJELIŠ noge i
-MNOŽIŠ se!


Hočeš da se TU....TU...TU...
Tuširamo
Poslije žestokog SE...SE..SE...
Serijskog programa
Pa da se poslije PR...PR..PR...
Pružimo na krevet i opet
JE...JE...JE...
Jedemo čips?!

Bilješke američkog biznismena s puta po Europi:
- Jučer pio s Rusima – skoro sam umro.
- Danas pio sa Zagorcima – bolje da sam jučer umro…


Udvara se Mujo djevojci:
- "Ja sam sanj'o kako sam ja osuđeni, a ti sudac. Bio sam optužen da sam ukrao kokoši i jaja. Ti si me za kokoši osudila, a za jaja pomilovala."

Testirali miševe na alkohol. Jednom dali Teqilu, drugom Vodku a trećem rakiju.
Nakon pola sata gledaju posljedice.
Prvi šta je pio Teqilu pjeva, pleše i smije se....
Drugi šta je pio Vodku zaspo
Treći šta je rakiju pio divlja u kavezu i viče: Di je maca, daj mi macu da je prebijem!!!!


Ljubomorna žena je pronašla papirić sa nepoznatim brojem telefona u jakni svoga supruga. Uzela je telefon, okrenula broj i počela da viče:
- Ja znam sve!
- Pa zašto ste onda pozvali službu informacija?

Štef, mrtav pijan, skrivio je manju prometnu nesreću i zaustavlja ga policajac:
- Gospodine uzrok prometne nesreće je alkohol.
- Dobro, hik, već sam mislil da sam ja kriv.


Pricaju Mujo i Haso:
- Znas li ti Haso da svake tri minute u New Yorku jedna zena biva pregazena?
- Auuu, jeb’la majku, jest’ izdrzljiva…

Seta Mujo nocu po Amsterdamu.Prilazi mu razgolicena crnkinja:
-Momcino ´oces da skoknemo do moje kuce?-pita ga ona mazno.
-Sta cu,bolan u Africi,u pola noci?!


Došli doktor i policajac na uviđaj nesreće gdje je bilo dosta povrijeđenih i mrtvih.
Doktor pregledava: 'Ovaj je mrtav. I ovaj je mrtav. A i ovaj mi se čini mrtav...'
Odjednom taj malo jaukne, podigne glavu i kaže: 'Eeej, ja sam živ!'
Na to ga policajac udari pendrekom po glavi: 'Ma, jel' ? Sad ti znaš bolje od doktora!

Djevojka sjedi na klupi i liže sladoled.
Prilazi joj dečko:
On: smijem li te nešto pitati?
Ona: pitaj..
On: ali mislim da ćeš pogrešno razumjet.. Smijem li liznuti??
Ona: (pruža sladoled)
On: znao sam da ćeš pogrešno razumjeti...


Kaže učiteljica Ivici: "Reci jednu rečenicu gdje ćeš upotrijebiti riječ igračka!"
- "Volim kad mi roditelji kupe kinder jaje."
- "A gdje ti je tu igračka?"
- "Pa u kinder jajetu!".

Pita Papa Štrumpf štrumpfove: -Tko je štrumpfao Štrumpfetu? Tišina. -Tko je štrumpfao Štrumpfetu !?? Tišina.
Tko je štrumpfao Štrumpfetu bez štrumf-gumice!!!? Mrgud: JA MRZIM štrumpf-gumice!


Prvog dana na američkom koledžu dekan obašnjava studentima pravila kuće.
- Ženski studentski dom je zabranjen za muškarce i obrnuto. Ako nekog uhvatimo, prvi put će biti kažnjen sa 20 dolara. Drugi put je kazna 60 dolara, a treći put 180 dolara...
Jedan student ga na to prekine:
- Oprostite, a koliko košta sezonska karta?

Žali se Mujo Hasi:
- Zamisli kakva je ona moja drolja!
- A zašto? - upita Haso.
- Zamisli, vraćam se s puta i šaljem joj telegram da ću doći, a ipak je uhvatim s ljubavnikom!
Poslije kraće šutnje, opet će Mujo zamišljeno:
- A možda i nije drolja, možda nije dobila telegram...


Učiteljica objašnjava đacima:
- Djeco, životinje nikako ne smijete ljubiti, tako se prenosi zaraza!
Perica će na to:
- Tako je učiteljice, tako je moja tetka poljubila svog psa i on je poslije dva tjedna uginuo!



to bi bilo sve u ovome broju nadam se da ste se dobro nasmijali ne zaboravite V+S hvala

Previous article:
Vicko No.2 (11 years ago)

Next article:
Vicko No.4 (11 years ago)

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