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Svakih par dana ću objavljivati nove viceve i nadam se da će vam biti smiješni i zabavni
Evo današnjih viceva:
U Zagrebu gužva. Svi automobili stoje. Jednom tipu neko kuca na prozor. Ovaj otvara prozor:
- "Što je ovo?
- "Ma, ne pitaj, neki luđak je oteo cijelo hrvatsku vladu i sad traži 3 milijuna eura ili će ih politi benzinom i zapaliti, pa skupljamo priloge."
- "OK, dati ću, nije problem. A koliko se daje... otprilike?"
- "Pa, tako ... koliko tko može , litra-dvije..."
Dođe Jura u Mercedesu i parkira ga pred Hrvatski Sabor.
Dođe k njemu portir i veli:
- "Gospodine, ne možete tu parkirati, tu su vam Sanader, Polančec, Kalmeta...".
Jura veli:
- "Nema veze imam ja alarm"
Srela se dva prijatelja iz srednje škole na placu.
- Gdje si, nisam te vidio sto godina! Jesi ti ono završio faks?
- Jesam, jesam… prosjek 4.9!
- Svaka čast, uvijek si bio pametan! A pošto su ti krastavci?
Sjedi umirovljenik ispred Sabora i maže drek na šnitu kruha.
Izađe predsjednik Josipović i pita:
- Što to radiš čovječe ?
- Kriza predsjedniče.
- Evo ti 1.000 kuna i skloni se molim te.
Umirovljenik stavi keš u džep i nastavi po istom.
Izlazi Linić iz Sabora i pita:
- Što to radiš čovječe ?
- Kriza ministre.
- Ma maži to tanje, bit će još gore....
Lete dva vampira, otac i sin. Kaže otac sinu:
- Sine, sada ćemo da uđemo u jednu kuću i da popijemo malo krvi, sutra ćemo u drugu, prekosutra u treću, i tako dalje.
Sin upita:
- Pa dobro, ali što ne uletimo samo u jednu kuću i popijemo svu krv odjednom?
Otac će:
- Je*ote sine, nemoj da budeš okrutan, mi smo vampiri a ne političari...
A sada nakon ovih političkih evo i nekoliko dobrih starih viceva o životinjama :
Ide Crvenkapa šumom i ugleda vuka na motoru.
-Vuče, Vuče!
-Ma kur.. vuče, vidiš da trokira!!!
Sjedi zec u šumi na panju i oštri nož. Dolazi lija pa ga pita:
"Što radiš, zeko?"
"Oštrim nož da ubijem zločestog vuka!"
Dolazi kasnije medvjed pa ga i on pita:
"Što radiš, zeko?"
"Oštrim nož da ubijem zločestog vuka!"
I ode medvjed dalje, kad ono dolazi vuk i s onim oštrim zubima i ubojitim očima gleda zeca pa on zagrmi:
"Što radiš, zeko?"
"Oštrim nož i pričam sranja!"
Jednog dana, zec se napio i leže na livadu nadomak sume i zaspa.
Nakon nekog vremena ugleda ga jedan gladan vuk i reče:
- "Joj samo da pojedem onog prekrasnog zeca..."
Ugleda zeca i drugi vuk, te isto tako reče:
- "Joj samo da pojedem onog slatkog zeca..."
Dođu oni kod zeca i naravno nisu se mogli dogovoriti koji će ga pojesti. Nastade opća tuča, počnu se klati i uskoro oba umru od ozljeda.
Budi se zec i povika uffffffff uvijek kad se napijem napravim neku pizdariju
Kaže zec zmiji:
-Oprosti što sam te zajebavao što nemaš noge.
-Ma nema veze, bilo pa prošlo.
-Dobro, evo ruka.
Pecali zec, lisica i medvjed, kad odjednom zeko uhvati zlatnu ribicu. Ona mu obeća da će im svima ispuniti putovanje po njihovoj želji, samo ako ju puste.
Oni pristanu, pa im ribica objasni da se moraju zatrčati i zabiti glavom u drvo te izgovoriti ime mjesta na koje žele ići.
Prvi krene zec, udari glavom u drvo i reče "Afrika", pa nestane.
Druga krene lisica. Zaleti se, udari i izgovori "Amerika" i nema je.
Treći krenu medvjed, poskliznu se, udari u drvo i jauknu " A u pi*ku materinu" i nestane.
Ljudi to je to od mene za danas. Novi vicevi dolaze za par dana
majstor245
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Pozdrav Hrvatskoj (11 years ago)
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Podrška Josipu Šimuniću (11 years ago)
About the game:
USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!
In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.
Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.
Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.
In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.
Become an influential politician.
The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.
You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.
The international war.
The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).
At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.
E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.
Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.
Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.
