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Negdje u Ukrajini u jednu kafanu ulazi crnac iz Amerike 200 cm visok, sjeda za sank i narucuje viski.
Odma za njim u kafanu ulazi Ukrajinac, 210cm visok, sjeda za sank i narucuje votku.
Gleda crnac njega i da se napravi vazan uzme onaj viski i popije ga na eks.
Ukrajinac da pokaze da i on moze to uzima svoju votku i eksira je isto.
Crnac kada je vidio ovoga kako je popio isto na eks zatrazi od sankera bocu viskija i citavu bocu popi na eks.
Ukrajinac zatrazi bocu votke i isto je popi na eks.
Crnac tada, da pokaze kako je jak, uze onu svoju bocu viskija i razbi je sebi o glavu.
Ukrajinac uze bocu votke i razbi je sebi o glavu.
Crnac se tada iznervirao jer ne zna kako da pokaze da je bolji od Ukrajinca. U jednom trenutku on se dosjeti. Ustade sa svoga mjesta, pridje Ukrajincu skide gace, izvadi kitu od 25cm i rece ovo je Bil.
Ukrajinac se samo nasmija ustade sa mjesta, skide gace, izvadi dve kite od po 30cm i rece a ovo je Cernobil.
Na TV-u pornic i pita ćerka mamu:
- Šta oni to rade?
Kaže mama:
- Prave kolače, mila.
Sutradan pita ćerka:
- Mama, jel’ ste ti i tata sinoć pravili kolače?
-Jesmo, zašto?
- Pa polizala sam šlag sa kreveta.
Dosao Hitler u logor i kaze Jevrejima Imate tri slobodne aktivnosti
1.vaterpolo sa morskim psima
2.fudbal na minskom polju
3.koncert
Jevreji izaberu koncert
Kad jedan Jevrejin pita Hitlera
- A koja grupa svira
A Hitler kaze
- Hans i mitraljezi!
Kupio Ivek polovni motor od prijatelja. Motor je bio u tako dobrom stanju da ga je pitao:- Čuj stari, kako si ti to održavao?- Vrlo jednostavno. Čim sam vidio da počinje kiša, namazao sam ga s vazelinom i nema hrđe.Ivek je naravno poslušao savjet. Isti dan njegova ga je cura pozvala prvi puta na večeru kod njenih roditelja. Upozorila ga je prije toga da su njeni pomalo čudni:- Za jelom nitko ne govori. Tko kaže makar i riječ, mora prati suđe!I zbilja, u kuhinji je bilo brdo neopranog suđa. Večeraju oni tako u potpunoj tišini. Iveku dosadi i odluči iskoristiti situaciju. Počne maziti curu. Roditelji šute. Poseksaju se oni pred starcima - ovi grizu usne, ali šute i dalje.Ivek zapazi da je i sestra dobar komad. Počne ju maziti. Svi šute. Poseksaju se oni, njegova cura grize usne, ali svi i dalje šute. Odjednom sijevne munja. Ivek pomisli kako će padati kiša, teatralno izvadi tubu vazelina i ustane, misleći namazati motor. Na to brat reče:- Dobro, dobro, shvatio sam! Ja ću oprati suđe!
Poslao cale klinca da kupi vijagru. Apotekarka kaze da se uzima svaki drugi dan po jedna tableta. Klinac ode kuci i kaze tati da se uzima svaki dan po dve. Tata postupi tako i posle nekoliko nedelja sretne apotekarka malog i pita kako familija. A mali ce snuzdeno:"Paaaaa, mama je umrla, sestra je trudna, mene malo boli guza... a Lesi se vise ne vraca kuci."
upada lik sa carapom na glavi u banku,
uperi pishtolj u sluzbenicu i vikne: otvaraj sef!!
- ali gospodine, ovo je banka sperme.
- OTVARAJ!!
Nista , otvori ona sef, unutra one epruvete....
- Uzmi onu najvecu i popij!!! - dreknu baja
sluzbenica onako preplasena poslusha i popije na ex
lik, skidajuci charapu sa glave : " eto Slavice, vidis da mozes,
samo neces"
Učiteljica vodila decu u zoološki vrt i naravno, stigli su do
slona, a slon je imao "nešto" od 1 metar ali nije surla, Perica
radoznalo pita učiteljicu:
• Učiteljice, učiteljice, šta je ono slonu?
A učiteljica kaže:
...• Ma nije to ništa...
Perica na to kaze drugu:
• Jesam ti rek'o da je kurva, njoj ni 1 metar nije ništa!
About the game:
USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!
In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.
Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.
Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.
In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.
Become an influential politician.
The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.
You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.
The international war.
The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).
At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.
E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.
Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.
Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.
