Article
I video sam da smesne clanke vise ljudi gleda pa sam odlucio da napravim jos jedan.
Jos 10 viceva
Svi vicevi ce biti na racun Srbije.
1.
Lete avionom amerikanac,englez,francuz
srbin.Lete oni tako kad u jednom trenutku
amerikanac gurnu ruku kroz prozor i opipa
kip slobode:
A:Evo sad letimo iznad NJujorka.
Nesto kasnije englez gurnu ruku kroz prozor i opipa big
bena.
E:Sad letimo iznad Londona.
Malo kasnije francuz gurnu ruku kroz prozor i opipa
ajfelovu kulu.
F:Evo nas iznad Pariza.
Posle izvesnog vremena i srbin gurnu ruku kroz prozor,
malo promaha i rece:
-Sad letimo iznad Srbije.
A.E.F:Odkud znas?!?
Sa nestao mi je sat!
2.
Takmičili se Srbin, Amerikanac i Nemac čiji je deda najmanji.
Amerikanac kaže:
• Moj deda je visok 1 metar.
Nemac:
• Moj deda je još manji. On je visok pola metra.
Srbin:
• Moj deda je pao sa merdevina kada je brao jagode.
3.
Bili Srbin, Amerikanac i Nemac i u razgovoru pomenu automobile.
Amerikanac kaže:
• Vozim ti ja kadilak, udarim u banderu - 10 plata ode u pičku materinu.
Zatim Nemac kaže:
• Vozim ti ja opel, udarim u banderu - 15 plata ode u pičku materinu.
Srbin će:
• Vozim ti ja juga, udarim u banderu - 110 plata ode u pičku materinu.
Na to će njemu ova dvojica:
• Ko ti je kriv kad voziš tako dobar auto.
4.
Bili Amerikanac, Srbin i Albanac kod Boga. I pita Bog prvo Amerikanca:
• Koliko si me puta opsovao?
• Paa, 20 puta...
Bog kaže:
• Dobro, evo tebi kola.
Bog sad pita Albanca:
• A ti?
• Paa 50 puta...
• Dobro, evo tebi motor.
I na kraju pita Srbina a on kaže:
• Jedno 30 puta...
• Dobro, ti ćeš dobiti bicikl i svi ćete se trkati pa ko izgubi ide u pakao.
Počela trka a Amerikanac i Albanac se smeju Srbinu jer će da izgubi a Srbin kaže:
• Ćutite tu, eno ga pop, ide na rolšulama...
5.
Htjeli se Englez, Francuz i Srbin zaposlit u CIA-i.
Prijave se na testove a oni ih tamo bace kroz najžešće testove: snalaženje u prirodi, glad, žeđ, borba prsa o prsa, čuvanje tajne, i na kraju kad su sva trojica prošli dolaze do finalnog testa. Dovedu im žene, stave ih u određene prostorije, a njima daju pištolje i kažu im da ih ubiju.
Prvi Englez ulazi unutra, vadi pištolj, repetira, uperi ga u ženu, oće-neće, i kaže:
- Ma ne mogu. CIA je CIA al' žena je ipak moja žena.
Drugi ulazi Francuz, vadi pištolj, repetira i nišani, al' i on odustane.
Ulazi Srbin unutra. Čuje se bam-bam-bam a poslje toga lomljava, vika i poslje pet minuta izlazi on sav krvav i kaže:
- Mamu im bre *****, dali mi ćorke, pa sam morao da je dokrajčim stolicom.
6.
Priveo Srbin Hrvaticu uz drvo, a ona vice:
- "Straga, straga!"
A on:
- "More nije ga stra, nego se klizaju opanci..."
7.
Koji je glavni princip haškog tribunala?
Svako je nevin dok se ne dokaže da je srbin!
8.
Bili Francuz, Englez i Srbin i oni se takmičili ko će preplivati Nil a da mu krokodil ne odgrize *****. Čovek bez ***** govoriće ''c'' umesto ''s''. Prepliva Francuz i na pitanje da li je sve u redu, on odgovori:
• Cve u redu.
Englez isto odgovori posle plivanja.
Dođe red na Srbina. On skoči i prepliva Nil. Upitaše ga da li je sve u redu, a on reče:
• Sve je u redu.
Posle nekog vremena izlazi krokodil i ljutito pita:
• Gde je onaj Crbin, majku mu!
9.
Takmičili su se Amer, Rus i Srbin ko ima jače piće.
Amer popije 21 viskija. Stave pred njega stolicu.
• Koliko vidiš stolica?
• Dve!
• Nije loše...
Rus popije 15 votki. Stave pred njega stolicu.
• Koliko vidiš stolica?
• Hik... Tri.
• Dobro.
Srbin popije 10 šljivovica. Stave pred njega stolicu.
• Koliko vidiš stolica?
•... Hik... A?... Hik... U kom redu?
10.
Takmičili se Nemac, Amerikanac i Srbin ko je dostojanstveniji. Nemac se popne na soliter i kaže:
• U ime Hitlera, ja skačem sa solitera.
Nemac padne i razbije se. Zatim na red dođe Amerikanac:
• U ime Klintona, skačem sa solitera.
I on skoči i razbije se. A Srbin se pope na isti soliter i reče:
• U ime Tita, evo vam kita, ja odoh liftom.
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Srpska vojska regrutuje (10 years ago)
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Novi vicevi (10 years ago)
About the game:
USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!
In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.
Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.
Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.
In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.
Become an influential politician.
The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.
You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.
The international war.
The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).
At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.
E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.
Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.
Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.
