Esim - 【隨筆】戰神的愛情故事
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【隨筆】戰神的愛情故事 (Fun)
Posted 9 years ago by
ballpen0827    
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這是某天晚上聊天聊出來的產物(?)
反正就很北棲(?) 很智障 很腦殘
不知道為什麼就聊到戰神 然後想到「如果戰神上IRC」會是什麼樣子
一開始還很正常認為...

以下模擬情景
18:05 *** neckimo joined #secura.tw
18:06 asd2489563 o7
18:06 ss1998 o7
18:06 asd2489563 o7
18:06 ballpen0827 o7
18:06 Instinctor o7
18:06 asd2489563 o7
18:06 asd2489563 o7
18:06 *** asd2489563 was kicked by Taiwan (Stop repeating yourself!)
18:06 yangbosen2010 o7
18:06 *** asd2489563 joined #secura.tw
18:06 Instinctor o7
18:06 as784ds o7
18:06 zasx159632 o7
18:06 TibbersOAQ o7
18:06 hans5200 o7
18:06 fushimitei o7

......以下省略,看看那個asd多麼興奮啊 還重複敬禮到被踢掉(#
大概會有人跪在電腦前上IRC吧(攤手
結果突然突發奇想想到什麼少女漫的劇情(爆
於是就誕生了下面這樣的短篇

※戰神,很帥。
※文筆很差(つд⊂ ) 而且只想寫個大概
※女主角為新手 對 是虛構的QAQ
※第一人稱視角(不然要我想女主名...我會想到瘋掉w

-以下正文-


加入E-sim的幾天後,被熱心的前輩推來IRC上面,一開始還在想這東西要怎麼用,很認真的爬了文,花了大概三分鐘看完教學文就踏上了2服台灣頻道「#secura.tw」。
誰知道進來之後,頻道內的人馬上暴動,似乎是因為女生在這遊戲裡相當稀有的關係吧。
莫約三分鐘後......
*** neckimo joined #secura.tw
暴動情形比剛剛更加嚴重,有前輩說這個人是戰神,看到必須敬禮。愣了一下,緊張的對著戰神比做出o7的姿勢。
「新人嗎......?」戰神瞥了我一眼,就這樣子走了。
什...什麼啊這個人,就算是前輩,就算是戰神,這個樣子也太囂張了吧!!

-差不多到這裡結束......於是我們又繼續往下討論
「如果立場切換成jumasfat痴女姊姊呢?」(雖然她現在已經退休了QAQ

-jumasfat版-

在國頻接待每位主人,已經是習以為常的事情了,今天也要努力榨乾每個主人唷齁齁齁齁齁。
這時戰神進入了頻道......
*** neckimo joined #secura.tw
大家馬上對進入頻道內著戰神敬禮,當然我也不會忘記......今天也是100%散發痴女氣息呦!
對著戰神痴痴的笑了並擺出o7的姿勢,一邊伸手要去榨乾戰神......
「......」戰神無言,並馬上遠離jumasfat。
「討厭~這樣的戰神先生也好❤帥❤喔❤^q^」嗯,果然是痴女呢。

-慣例的漢斯×泰伯版-泰伯視角 漢斯崩壞有(咦?

今天也真是和平呢,依然在國頻內被歪果仁追殺......呃,真想趕快離開這地方。
這時......
*** hans5200 joined #secura.tw
是漢斯啊啊啊!!!快把立陶宛交出來啊!快ㄆㄅ啊!快唱歌啊!
「漢斯快唱歌啊。」我說。
「lol 不要,要唱也要跟你一起唱屋頂。」

欸嘿嘿......漢斯泰伯快唱屋頂啊(敲碗(X
絕對不只這樣......之後還講說「如果戰場......」

如果戰場篇
-以下正文-


第一次上重要戰場,不知道會發生什麼事呢,我這破破的Q1槍有辦法打中敵人嗎?
這時一個榴彈向我這邊飛過,我正以為閃不過時一個人影閃出來了......
「新人,小心點,退到後面。」戰神以手將榴彈打到旁邊,拿出Q5的火箭筒對著躲在角落的敵人。
什麼嘛......還以為因為他是戰神所以很囂張呢......原來是我錯怪他了。
看著戰神驚人的傷害量,我覺得我該更努力追上前輩們的腳步才是!

-jumasfat版-

又是高鑽被開,真是的,要好好榨乾來搗亂的歪果仁才是呢❤
我向前一躍,掏出Q5的火箭筒對著敵方陣營......誰知道這時候一個胖次被丟了出來......欸❤!?
我正要衝過去撿,卻被敵方發現,對方空手向我揮來,正當我以為躲不過時......
「笨蛋,這種東西等戰後在撿啦。」戰神替我擋下那軟軟的拳頭......欸嘿嘿嘿嘿❤
戰神先生今天也好❤帥❤呢❤^q^

-漢斯×泰伯版- (小七表示已心碎(X

高鑽被開,目前局勢5:5,相當緊張,國頻軍頻都在徵集人手上戰場堆牆壓秒。
我也參與了這回壓秒,現在T5,還有2分鐘的時間給我準備,我大口的咬著左手的Q5麵包,右手擦著放在腿上的Q5槍。
T3了,我衝出來對著敵方陣營大力開火,誰知道對面火力也很兇殘,大量的Q1槍往我這邊飛來,正當我覺得這場完蛋了的時候,漢斯衝了出來。
「泰伯!小心!」他向我撲過來,躲過了大量的Q1槍,順勢向我丟了10個Q5禮物。
真是的,這個企鵝.......不對,這個漢斯,不要在壓秒的時候搞什麼浪漫啦!

嗯......
好對不起,最後一個版本是私心。
雖然也有討論鋼蛋版本(?)

!HL 注意!戴好你的Q6護目鏡,如果不夠或著是缺少請找freedom2020補貨(X


戰場篇-

這次雙倍傷害,來上場練練軍階好了!

我心裡這麼想,一邊拆開剛到貨的整箱Q1玩具槍,走出Q5別墅,出發向郊外。
手裡把玩著Q1玩具槍,一邊開槍,滿意的看著不斷往上疊的傷害量,突然感受到了強烈的胃痛......為什麼偏偏是這時......
我蹲在角落,無力的拿著玩具槍瞄準對面,沒有注意到朝我這邊飛來的子彈......
這時一個蛋影衝出,往我這邊撲了過來。
「你做什麼啦!」案音羊,肚子已經很痛了,你還給我這麼用力的撲上來......就不能讓我練完軍階之後在撲嗎?
這時候我才注意到原來是剛剛子彈往我這邊飛「謝謝......話說為什麼你會來這裡?」
「我回到家之後發現你不在,看到有雙倍傷害的消息,就出來找你啦。」
「以......以後撲倒人的時候,不要這麼用力啦,等等你要背我回去喔......。」
「好喔,等妳練完,我們在一起回到Q5別墅裡面❤」
「什麼啦......!害我打偏了啦!你要負責!」
「等等補償妳嘛!我是不會射偏的呦❤」什麼跟什麼啦!混蛋!!

!HL 護目鏡爆裂或著眼睛受到傷害者請找ballpen0827看眼睛OwO


好吧戰神那個其實已經很久了,我一直拖到現在才拿出來寫......
然後最後那個真的好羞恥(つд&sub
蛋蛋你別對我亂來啊QAQ
其實寫到一半時是生理痛 因為真的好痛......(死
只是想說如果那個來好像就沒有什麼奇怪的台詞了 就把生理痛改成胃痛了w

漢斯跟泰伯是純粹私心www
小七別難過 下次給你泰伯的踩踩^q^(X
可是我喜歡泰伯的屁屁啊啊啊啊啊(#
我要捏左邊!!

我老婆


你看,泰伯的菊花,今天也開得很漂亮呢。(X

-2015/04/17

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