Esim - J***š život bez smeha!
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h4v4r1j4


Redactor

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J***š život bez smeha! (Old article)
Posted 12 years ago by
h4v4r1j4    
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Malo je poduže, ali se isplati!

Zaustavio pandur lika:

-Dobro veče.
-Bolje vas našli.
-Vozačku i saobraćajnu.
-Ništa od navedenog.
-Morate imati neki lični dokument.
-Imam dozvolu za pecanje.
-Da li ste pili, gospodine?
-Jesam.
-Koliko?
-Jedanaes’ piva.
-Molim!? Pa kako zaboga?
-Šta kako, lepo. Jedno sa ćaletom pre ručka, dva sa kevom posle ručka. Sedam sa kumom na bazenu.
I sad svratio u mesaru, radi neka nova, znaš kak’a, vake sise…
-Pijete pivo u mesari?
-Svakodnevno.
-I gde ćete sad takvi?
-Na pos’o, treća smena, što? Šta mi fali?
-Niste ni vezani.
-Ne mogu. Problem je inženjerske prirode.
-Kakav?
-Kratak pojas u stojadinu. Nije predviđen za ljude teže od 0,13 tona.
-Šta vam je ovo na zadnjem sedištu?
-Ja’nje! Sad ga pokupio, sutra kumu slava pa da ga obradujem.
-Pa što ga niste stavili u gepek.
-Nema mesta.
-Od čega?
-Od praseta.
-Napustite vozilo i ugasite motor.
-Mora obratno.
-Dobro. Prvo ugasite motor.
-Neću, neće hteti dupali kasnije bojim se.
-Ostavite ga onda upaljenog, samo izađite.
-Što?
-Da duvate.
-Ajde, očiju ti plavetnih, prinesi melodiku da duvam odavde. Mala su vrata napravili na Stojadinu treba mi pet minuta diziđem.
-Evo. Izduvajte ceo kapacitet pluća i nemojte da uvlačite nego duv…
-Ma znam čoveče, duvam u ovo pet puta mesecno, naučiću Jašara svirati. Ništa se ti ne sekiraj.
-Onda sve znate…
-Čuj znam? Doktorir’o! Auu…sad kad dunem ima da je pokvarim. Je l pod garancijom?
-Nećete, ne bojte se. Ruski model, tek nam stiglo.
- Dobro je. Evo, gotovo, šta kaže? Oće pasti Vraneš?
-Molim?
-Slavko hebo ga ti. Vraneš. Dva dvaesdevet, igr’o u Partizanu. Ako nisam naduv’o Slavka tražiću da šaljete dreger na baždarenje.
-Dva tri’es. Mašala!
-Dobro je. Taman. Biće keva ponosna.
-Za šta taman?
-Za pos’o. Jesi radio ti kad k’o cuvar? Ne mogu da zaspem na stolici bez Slavka, nema šanse. Sa Slavkom k’o zaklan. Milina.
-Ti mene zajebavaš?
-Demantujem.
-Daj prvu pomoć.
-Evo.
-Šta je to?
-Eridijum 36 – eksplozivni svemirski modulator. Pa pljoska jebogati. To je najbitniji izum posle kamena za kupus.
-Znam bre, nego, šta ce mi ona?
-Pa jesi tražio prvu pomoć? To ti je najbolja prva pomoć dok ne stigneš do kafane. Kajsija, domaća, neto tri deci. Kum pek’o.
-Ne pijem na dužnosti.
-Ajde, ajde…
-Dobro, može malo.
-Samo malo i može. Nemoj mnogo da mi popiješ, treba mi zujtru kad ustanem. A?
-Uuu… da nije jaka?
-Nego šta nego jaka, skida karijes i kamenac sa zuba. Dlake sa jezika i tange sa maloletnica. ‘Oće tromb da otkači. Tako treba, zna kum, bavi se pečenjem rakije od četvrte godine. K’o Kinez gimnastikom.
- Šta da radim sa tobom? Morao bih da te vodim u stanicu na trežnjenje.
-Nemoj. Dosadno vam je tamo, ‘ ladno i smrdi vam brate vece. Mnogo ste aljkavi, zaperite to malo.
-Ne možeš takav da voziš.
-Mogu. Stojadin stariji od dva’est godina se vozi isključivo sa više od dva promila. Tako je fabrički zamišljeno. Prevelik je stres kad si trezan.
-A da podeš peške i ostaviš vozilo ovde.
-Ne mogu, daleko je.
-Pa koliko?
-Ima sigurno pe’sto metera.
-Pa šta je to…
-Ja nisam prepešačio pe’sto metara iz komada od srednje škole. O’š dumrem?
-Onda te moram privesti u stanicu.
-Daj da se nekako dogovorimo, stvarno nemam vremena sad...
-Skup je i dogovor. Mnogo si prekršaja napravio. Nemaš dokumenta, nisi vezan, pijan si, nemaš prvu pomoć, ne radi ti štop svetlo, ćelava ti prednja leva guma…
-I nas dvoijca smo ćelavi pa nam ništa ne fali. Šta mi virman izdaješ, evo imam kod sebe iljadu ipo dinara i tablu barene slanine, malo je masnija doduše, ima belog k’o na rođendanu Saše Popovića, al šta fali? Taman da ti i kolega mezite u stanici dok gledate porniće. A?
-Pa može, daj ajde pa da se rastajemo. Dobar si čovek vidi se odma, nije u redu da te maltletiram.
-Nisi ni ti loš, al ne mogu sve novce da ti dam. Treba mi sutra kumi za cveće. Domaćica, red je.
-Dobro, daj crvenu i tu slaninu pa da se rastajemo.
-Pe’sto?
-Može ajde, pe’sto i slan’na.
-Dogovoreno, evo. E, oćeš i uvo da ti dam?
-Jesi ti lud? Šta ce mi uvo bogajebo?
-Pa da pojedeš. Uši su nabolji deo praseta kad se lepo usole. Reći cu kumu ja nisam odoleo. A?
-Ahaaaa… Pa daj da probam.
-Eno, otvori gepek i otkini levo.
-Uuu… odlicno je. Hvala ti, pažljivo vozi i vidimo se uskoro.
-Verujem da se vidimo. Budobar, pozdravi kotkuće!

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J***š život bez smeha! vol. 2 (12 years ago)

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About the game:


USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!

In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.

Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.

Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.


In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.

"E-Sim is one of the most unique browser games out there"

Become an influential politician.

The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.


You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.

The international war.

The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).


At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.

E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.


Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.


Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.


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