Esim - Vicko No.5
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pero333


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Vicko No.5 (Old article)
Posted 11 years ago by
pero333    
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Pozdrav dragi moji evo mene opet, zahvaljujem se svima na svojim V+S i molim vas podjelite dalje sa ostalima koji nisu
Komentirajte i podjelite svoje mišljenje, hvala

Pa krenimo u smijeh:

Odo ja van, a vi radite šta hoćete, pušite, pravite djecu, drogirajte se ko i sav normalan svijet, ali nemojte sjediti na hladnom betonu... Ma boli me patak šta ćete radit, uglavnom laku noć.

Profesore,dali je Tihi Ocean stalno tih?
-Svasta!Mozes li izmisliti gluplje pitanje?
-Mogu,kad je umrlo mrtvo more?


- Poslao sam ženu na ljetovanje u nudistički kamp!
- Stvarno? Pa, kako to?
- Ma, dosadila mi je! Stalno kuka nema što obući.



Kažu u pivi ima vitamina B... Ako ispiješ jednu pivu to ti je vitamin B1. Dvije pive - B2... Šest piva - vitamin B6... Dvanaest piva - B12... A ako ispiješ cijelu gajbu... e to je već B-kompleks!

Dolazi Mujo u ambulantu i pita medicinsku sestru:
- Oprostite, gdje se daju injekcije nedeljom?
Sestra odgovara:
- U guzicu, isto k'o ponedeljkom!



- Halo, da li sam dobio savjetovalište za alkoholičare?
- Da, izvolite, kako vam možemo pomoći?
- Treba mi savjet kako da napravim koktel Bloody Mary?


Poštar stoji pred kućom, gleda pismo prema svjetlu i viče:
- Gospodine Kovač! Ne morate danas puštati psa s lanca! Ovo nije račun već samo pismo!



- Jesam li vas ikad brijao?, pita brijač svog klijenta.
- Ne, ne! Ovo uho sam izgubio već prije u ratu.


Zapalila se plantaža marihuane.Svjedoci tvrde da je za to kriv zmaj !


Kaze majka Ivici:
-Pa zasto sad ne jedes,rekao si da si gladan kao vuk!
-Pa kad si ti vidjela vuka da jede mahune...


- Zašto se KING KONG zaljubio u plavušu?
- ?
- Zato što je MAJMUN.



Pita žena nekom prilikom svog muža:
- Dragi, da li bi žalio ako bi se poseksala sa potpuno nepoznatim muškarcem?
- Draga, kako da žalim potpuno nepoznatog muškarca?


Policajcu umrla majka. Skupili se susjedi, zvoni telefon i policajac se javlja. Kada je spustio slušalicu, kaže im:
- "Hoće nesreća na nesreću! Evo mi brat javlja da je i njemu umrla majka.



1915 - Grof drakula se hranio od krvi mladih djevica
2013 - Grof drakula crk'o od gladi


Dođe Zagorec doma pijan.
Žena mu opali šamar i kaže: "Buš još pil?"
Ovaj šuti.
Žena mu pritisne još jedan šamar: "Odgovori! Buuš još pil?"
Zagorec i dalje šuti.
Žena mu tresne još jači šamar: "Reci! Buuuš još pil?"
A ovaj promrmlja : "No dobro, daj mi natoči."



Mužu je rođendan i žena ga pita sto bi htio kao poklon. Muž kaže:
- Pušku.
- Ma, kakva puška! Ne može.
- Ipak, ja bih pušku.
- Rekla sam ti - puška NE!
- Ali ja bih pušku.
- Rekla sam ti, nema šanse da dobiješ pušku! Pa, tko ovdje odlučuje, ti ili ja?
- Ti. Ali, kad bih imao pušku.


Kupac se žali prodavaču:
- Jučer ste mi prodali jetrenu paštetu u kojoj nema ni traga jetre.
Prodavač će:
- Gospon, nema ni u vojničkom grahu vojnika, pa se ipak tako zove.



Dolazi muž kući i kaže ženi:
- Kupio sam ti Kafetin!
- Šta će mi, ne boli me glava!?
- Tu sam te čekao, SKIDAJ SE!


Naišao američki šerif izrešetanog crnca u pustinji sa petnaest metaka i kaže:
- Ovo je najteži slučaj samoubojstva koji sam u životu ikad vidio!



Po jednoj statistici, državljanin Hrvatske u prosjeku
propješači 1500 km na godišnjoj razini..
Po drugoj statistici, državljanin Hrvatske popije prosječno 90 litara alkoholnog
pića na godišnjoj razini.
Iz priloženog se može zaključiti da prosječan državljanin Hrvatske troši 6 litara na 100 km.


Otac vrišti na mladića svoje kćeri:
- Vi ste mojoj kćerki oduzeli nevinost! Šta imate da kažete?
- Neću više nikad! - odgovori mladić.



Sjećaš se draga, kako je grmjelo i sijevalo kad smo se upoznali?
- Da sjećam se.
- A ja nisam ozbiljno shvatio opomenu prirode.


Sinoć smo supruga i ja sjedili i razgovarali o životu...
- Draga, ako se meni šta dogodi, ako bih bio u stanju vegetiranja, zavisan od aparata i tekućina, molim te isključi sve stvari koje me drže na životu, da odem dostojanstveno...
Supruga je odmah ustala, isključila televizor i uzela mi pivo!
Jbt, umalo nisam rikn'o...



Što znači kad su Zagorcu crvene oči?

Svijetli mu rezerva.


Telefonira Mujo u rodilište da se raspita da li mu se Fata porodila. Medicinska sestra mu reče:
- Je li to njeno prvo dijete?
- Ma jok, bona, ovdje njen muž!



Policajac sa ženom gleda krimić na televiziji.
- Kladim se da je ubojica Tom Cruise.
- Ali, dragi, Tom Cruise ne glumi u ovom filmu.
- Baš zato. Ima dobar alibi!


Ne kradeš ? Ne lažeš ? Ne ubijaš ?
I još se čudiš što ne možeš pronaći posao !



Učiteljica: - Tko zna brojati do 10 na španjolskom?
Javi se Perica.
Perica: - Uno, dos, tres, kvatro...
Učiteljica: - Bravo Perice, ajde nastavi.
Perica: - I know you want me...






to bi bilo sve u ovome broju hvala na čitanju



Previous article:
Vicko No.4 (11 years ago)

Next article:
Vicko No.6 (11 years ago)

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