Esim - Vicko No.6
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pero333


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Vicko No.6 (Fun)
Posted 11 years ago by
pero333    
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Pozdrav svima




pa da krenemo:

Došao Mujo u policijsku postaju.
- Javljam se na oglas.
- Koji oglas? - čudi se policajac.
- Pa ovaj - vadi Mujo novine i čita:
"Traži se muškarac od 25-30 godina, višeg rasta, crne kose, koji noću šeće po parku i siluje žene."
Ako je plaća dobra, ja sam zainteresiran!

Jabuka = Vitamini
Vitamini = Snaga
Snaga = Popularnost
Popularnost = Žene
Žene = Sex
Sex = Sida
Sida = Smrt

Eh,aj Sad Ti Pojedi Jabuku!!


Zove on šefa:
- Šefe, bolestan sam, boli me glava, boli me trbuh, boli me ruka, boli me noga...
- Joj, šteta, a baš danas te trebam. Znaš li što ja učinim kad sam bolestan? Odem se potužiti svojoj ženi, ona mi ga popuši i ja opet spreman za posao!
- Dobro, pokušat ću.

Sat vremena kasnije:
- Šefe, imali ste pravo! Više me ne boli glava, ne boli trbuh, ne boli ruka, ne boli noga... i šefe, kakvu lijepu kuću imate!

Prije seksa skidate jedno drugo, poslije seksa oblačite se sami..

Poanta priče je da ti nitko neće pomoći kada si izjeban


Recept za sex: malo graha da se bolje jaha, malo ulja da ne žulja, malo soli da ne boli, salate da se skine zate i dvije žlice vegete da ne dođe dijete.

Ode Mujo na zahod srati i napinje se:
- Uuh, aah, mmm...
U tom trenutku nestane struje.
- Upomoć! Pomozite, ljudi!
- Što se dereš? - pita ga Fata otvarajući vrata.
- Uh, dobro je, mislio sam da su mi ispale oči!


Gatara ciganka:
- vidim slovo z. , bit ćeš zdrava;
- vidim slovo p. , bit će para.
- vidim slovo ć. , ljubav
Djevojka:
- jasno mi je z-zdravlje, jasno mi je p-pare, ali kako ć-ljubav ?
Ciganka:
- će da te kara!

Prilazi sofer sanku, za sankom zgodna zena pije pivo. Naruci i on pivo pa se obrati njoj.
- "Cao! Sta ima maco?"
- "Ja sam lezbejka."
- "Sta ti je to", zacudjeno ce on: "Sta ti to znaci?"
- "To znaci da ja pijem pivo i lizem pi*ku. A ti sta si ti?"
- "Ja mislio da sam sofer."


Žena stoji na prozoru i viče mužu:
- Gotovo !!! Skačem !!! Neću više trpiti tvoje prevare, da perem , čistim , kuham .... i prestani me gurati !!!!

Misliš da si faca ako pušiš travu? Ne, mislim da sam zmaj.

Otac poslije sumnjivih 'tragova' upita sina:
- Sine, čuo sam da imaš problem sa drogom?
Sin:
- Nije istina, sve mogu nabaviti!

Došao Mujo kod matičara i pita ga:
- Je l' ba, mogu li se ja oženiti u srijedu?
- Možeš Mujo, ali svi se žene subotom?
- Ne bi' ja, ba, da pokvarim vikend! - reče Mujo.


Sjeda bakica na bicikl, kad dotrčava Perica:
- Di ćeš ti, bako?
- Ide baka na groblje.
- A tko će mi vratiti bicikl?

Lupa netko na vrata staroj bakici:
- Ko je!? - viče bakica.
- Raznosač pica!
- Uđi sine, uđi i raznesi je!


Majka će ljutito sinu:
- "Ako ne budeš dobar, više ti neću dati da ideš s tatom u zološki vrt!"
- "Neka, ionako ne volim gledati one gole tete kako plešu."

Samo glupi muškarci pričaju viceve o plavušama. Pametni spavaju sa njima.

Za vitko tijelo
šmrćite bijelo!

Za dobar vid
potegnite speed!

Za bistru glavu
pušite travu!

Nekad sam obarao cure s nogu.. A onda sam ih prestao tući!

kako se zoves? -jebo jebic. -šta si rekao? -pero peric.
sta ti radi tata? -pravi brata. -sta si reko? -ma farba vrata.
sta ti je mama po zanimanju? svemirska jebacica. šta si reko? ma operska pjevacica.
sta ti radi sestra? -jebe po gradu. -sta si reko? -ma lize cokoladu.
mrs na tablu! -ko te jebe! -sta si reko? -nema krede.
mrs kod ravnatelja! -nemam muda. -sto si reko? neznam kuda..

• Mene uvijek obori jedna čaša piva!
• Jedna?
• Da i to obično ona petnaesta!


Sve što je dobro u životu, ili je ilegalno, ili je nemoralno, ili deblja...

U bolnici se pacijent uznemireno obraća liječniku.
- Onda, doktore, što mi je?
- Ne mogu još ništa reći sa sigurnošću, znat ćemo više sutra, nakon obdukcije.


- Na što morate paziti prilikom pretjecanja? - upita instruktor kandidata auto škole.
- Prije svega, da nije u blizini policajac - odgovori kandidat.

Otišao Mujo polagati vozački ispit, vraća se kući i Haso ga pita:
- Jel jarane, jesi li položio?
- Ne znam dok ne dođu instruktori iz bolnice...


Razgovaraju dvije prijateljice:
- Čudno, čim kihnem, doživim orgazam.
- Pa, jesi li nešto napravila u vezi toga?
- Jesam. Uvijek sa sobom imam vrećicu papra.





to bi bilo to u ovome broju, ajmo V+S hvala


Previous article:
Vicko No.5 (11 years ago)

Next article:
Vicko No.7 (10 years ago)

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