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Vicevi 2. DeoPrvo da vam se svima zahvalim na ovom broju vote-a i subova ovo je moj novi rekord.I da mi pomognete da do februara skupim 100 subova za medalju.Hvala unapred!!!
A sad vicevi
1. Plavuse
1.
Plavuša se u poljoprivrednoj apoteci obraća prodavcu:
- Molim vas, dajte mi seme za ptice.
- A koliko ptica imate?
- Nijednu, ali hoću da zasadim nekoliko.
2.
Sjede 3 plavuse i jedna kaze:
-"Cula sam da ce sutra biti 40 stepeni" Kaze druga:
-"E pa ja sam cula da ce sutra padati sneg" Sjedi treca i razmislja i kaze:
-"Pa ko ce cistiti toliki sneg po tolikoj vrucini?
3.
Kako plavusa pravi pekmez??
-Guli krofne.
4.
Sta radi mozgojed u plavusinoj glavi?
- Gladuje.
5.
Kaže plavuša svojoj prijateljici plavuši:
'Zamisli, juče kad je nestalo struje, ostala sam sama u liftu sat vremena!'
'Nije to ništa. Ja sam ostala tri sata na pokretnim stepenicama!
2. Perica
1.
Popeo se Perica na drvo i hoće da izvrši samoubistvo.Primijetili to njegovi roditelji i počeli da ga nagovaraju da siđe:
-Hajde, Perice siđi, kupit će ti mama i tata što god poželiš.
Međutim Perica ni da čuje o tome:
-Napravite još jedan korak i ja skačem na glavu.
Pozvali roditelji policiju, vatrogasce i hitnu pomoć.Kad su oni došli i oni počeše da ga nagovaraju da siđe.
Perica opet po svom:
-Još korak i ja skačem.
Odlučiše roditelji pozvati popa.Priđe pop drvetu i prekrsti ga, a Perica poče silaziti sa drveta.
Upitaše ga roditelji:
-Perice zašto si sišao kada je pop prekrstio drvo?
A Perica:
-Ovaj je lud, rekao mi je ''silazi ili siječem drvo''.
2.
Pita uciteljica Pericu:
- Perice kada se beru jabuke?
- Kada komsija nije kod kuce !
3.
Izgubio se Perica u velikom gradu, ide ulicom i plače. Sretne ga policajac i reče mu:
- Nemoj plakati, reci koja ti je adresa?-
A Perica će:
- perica@yahoo.com
4.
Sedeo Perica u autobusu preko puta neke babe i žvakao žvaku.Odjednom mu reče baba:
- E,džaba pričaš sinko,ja te ništa ne čujem!
5.
Pita vjeroučitelj djecu:
-Djeco,jel' bi vi otišli na nebo,ali samo na 2 sata?
Sva djeca dignu ruku osim malog perice.
-Perice,zašto samo ti nećeš na nebo?
Pita ga učitelj.
-Oprostite učitelju,ali meni je mama rekla da se poslije škole odmah vratim kući!
Mujo i Haso
1.
- "Mujo, koliko imaš sinova?"
- "Četiri!"
- "Čime se bave?"
- "Jedan je baletan, drugi je frizer, treći je modni dizajner."
- "A četvrti???"
- "I on je isto peder!''
2.
Idu Mujo i Haso u pustinju.
Haso ponio svega : hranu, piće, odjeću, tene ma svega a Mujo ponio vrata od auta.
Pita Haso - Mujo sto si ti ponio vrata od auta.
Kaže Mujo - Kad nam bude vruće da otvorimo prozor.
3.
de Haso ulicom i nosi makaze.Sretne ga Mujo i pita:
-ŠTA ĆE TI MAKAZE?
-JAVILI MI IZ HITNE DA MI TAŠTI VISI ŽIVOT O KONCU!
4.
Sjede Mujo i Haso na klupici.
-Vidi Mujo,50 eura na cesti!
Ustane se Haso i podere 50 eura.
-Bolan Haso,jes' ti normalan?!?Poderao si 50 eura!!!Zašto?
-Ma bona,đes' ti video 50 eura sa 2 nule!?!
5.
Mujo dobio blizance, i sretne ga Haso:
- Jesu l', ba, jednojajni, il' bolan, dvojajni?
- Jedan je dvojajan, a drugo je cur'ca!
Piroćanci
1.
Došao Piroćanac u poljoprivrednu apoteku da kupi sprej protiv mušica. Prodavac mu ponudi dva spreja:
Ovaj košta 100 dinara i ubija oko 1.000 mušica, a ovaj vam košta 50 dinara i ubija oko 500 mušica.
Piroćanac se okrene i pođe iz radnje.
Pa kud ćete? - upita prodavac.
Da izbrojim mušice, odgovori Piroćanac.
2.
Kako se zove pirotska obavestajna sluzba?
- C.I.C.I.J.A
3.
Kako Piroćanac časti muziku?
- Provuče kreditnu karticu kroz harmoniku!
4.
Uđe Piroćanac u frizerski salon i pita:
Majstore, pošto šišanje?
-100 dinara.
-A brijanje?
-50.
-Onda mi obrij glavu.
5.
- Imaš li da mi pozajmiš dva miliona? - pita kolega piroćanca.
- Nemam kod sebe - kaže Piroćanac.
- A kod kuće?
- Hvala bogu, svi su dobro.
Chuck Norris
1.
Čak Noris nema potrebu da ubije autora ovih činjenica. On je previše zauzet
spavajući sa tvojom komšinicom i njene 3 kćerke.
2.
Suze Čaka Norisa leče rak. Šteta što on nikada nije zaplakao.
3.
Chuck norisov kalendar nema 1. april, niko ne za***ava Chucka Norisa.
4.
Kad Baba Roga ide navece da spava uvek proveri u svom ormaru i ispod kreveta da slučajno Čak Noris nije tamo.
5.
Bog je hteo da stvara zemlju 10 dana, ali Čak mu je dao samo 6
Vic dana
I to je to u ovom broju.Neznam da li cu izdati jos koji ovakav clanak.Pozdrav
PS:Mislim da ce ovaj broj imati manje vote-a od proslog ali bitno da se vama svidja,ako sam neki vic ponovio od proslog puta posaljite mi poruku u inbox i ja cu to u sto skorije vreme ispraviti.
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About the game:
USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!
In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.
Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.
Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.
In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.
Become an influential politician.
The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.
You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.
The international war.
The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).
At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.
E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.
Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.
Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.
